One great comedic tool is surprise. Neither the protagonist nor the audience ever saw it coming which makes the action and the surprise hilarious. One great dramatic tool is also surprise. This is used in soap operas on a regular basis. But in real life, surprise can really put us in a weird place. When you think you're in a constructive conversation and maybe even a healthy debate then, out of nowhere, the person you're speaking to loses all facial expression, pick up their shield, and draws their sword. "Whoa! Where's this coming from?!?" We've now moved from topic-oriented conversation to person-oriented debate. Once defensiveness is the tone of the conversation, our thought process moves from debate to block, parry, strike. The involved parties are interested in being right and heard rather than getting to the right answer by any path. It doesn't have to be this way. A pause. A reflection. A moment away. Effective professionals know when to engage, disengage, and pause as needed to get to the right outcome. But it can require some quick thinking and movement to do so effectively. We don't always know what will spark someone's defense mechanisms (or even our own) or what will send anyone to the offensive. But we DO know that it happens. We also know there are ways to avoid it. The No More Leadership BS team takes on the topic of difficult conversations that often result from what we think is an innocuous chat.